I feel like there is a stone in my chest,
Where my heart used to be,
My precious son is laid to rest,
Way too soon, that precious life taken from me.
I must have asked WHY a thousand times or more,
but the answer still eludes,
Others say, "There is something in store",
John's death is but a preclude.
The love I once had for Christmas lights,
and trees and ribbons and bows,
has turned into somewhat of a blight,
The sight somewhat gross.
John and I shared in the delight,
of Christmas decorations galore,
We decked our halls with lights,
now his light shines no more.
I cannot bear to see houses shining so bright,
and decked in Christmas finery,
I once could not wait to see the lights,
that are now a knife in the heart to me.
People say, "It is not right, you must have a tree",
But what it is they don't understand,
Is I don't have John to share it with me,
I don't have him here to hold my hand.
I don't have him here this year,
to brag about my tree,
to gaze in awe and wonder here,
to share the delight with me.
So no tree shall grace my abode,
no lights shall trim my door,
I'll go through the season in robot mode,
Without my John to decorate for.
It is less than a week away from Christmas, and I am missing you horribly. I know that you understand that I just can't
bear to decorate this year. You and I shared a love of everything Christmas, and without you to share it with me, decorating
is nothing more than a reminder that you are spending the first Christmas in 21 years away from me. Maybe in time I will be
able to , but not this year. The only decorations I have done this year are on your grave, the only thing I was able to do
for you for Christmas, and I left another piece of my jagged heart there when I did. I love and miss you.
December 19, 2002