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MY SON JOHN

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First Christmas In Heaven/First Birthday in Heaven

JOHN WAS ALWAYS LIKE A LITTLE CHILD AT CHRISTMAS. HE ABSOLUTELY LOVED THE HOLIDAYS, AND BECAME VERY SENTIMENTAL DURING THIS TIME. FAMILY ALWAYS MEANT ALOT TO HIM, AND I KNOW HE IS LOOKING DOWN ON ALL OF US NOW, BECAUSE HE IS SPENDING CHRISTMAS WITH JESUS THIS YEAR.

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                                       ."Christmas in Heaven"

 I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
 with tiny lights like heaven's stars reflecting on the snow.
.
The sight is so spectacular please wipe away that tear
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
.
 I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
 but the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
.
I have no words to tell you of the joy their voices bring
 for it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.
.
 I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
.
I can't tell you of the splendor or the peace here in this place
 Can you just imagine Christmas with our Savior face to face?
.
 I'll ask him to lift your spirit as I tell him of your love
 so then pray for one another as you lift your eyes above.
.
 Please let your hearts be joyful and let your spirit sing
 for I am spending Christmas in heaven and I'm walking with the King.
                       Wanda Bencke
                       "copyright 1998" 
 

My First Christmas In Heaven


I see the countless Christmas Trees around the world below,
with tiny lights, like heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
but the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
for it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart,
but I am not so far away. We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me dear ones. You know I hold you dear,
and be glad I'm spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.
I send you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory of, my undying love.
After all "LOVE" is the gift, more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
for I can't count the blessing or love he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear,
Remember, I'm spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year.
 Author Unknown

Today is January 19th, 2003. John would have been twenty two years old today.
John, I love you and I miss you soooo much. I know you will have the best birthday today that you have ever had!
 
 
 
 
My First Birthday in Heaven
(modified from a poem
written for Baby Tanner Horner)
 
Calling all the angels--
It's a special day today!
For John's turning twenty-two years old!
Here's what he has to say:
 
"Momma, please dry all your tears;
I know you miss me so.
And if it had been up to me,
I'd never have chosen to go."
 
"For I knew that you would miss me
And the things that we could do,
And I wish I could have stayed on earth
And lived down there with you."
 
"But, Momma, now I'm well and whole;
I sing and dance all day
With all the angel boys and girls
Who've come to heaven to stay."
 
"Lord Jesus holds us in His arms
And tells us of His love;
He knew that we were hurting--
That's why we came above."
 

"I love you, Momma, every day;
I send you kisses, too.
And some day you will join me here
And I'll always be with you."
 
"I've got to go--the party's on!
We'll sing and dance and play.
But I am always in your heart
And never far away."
 
"Please find a way to celebrate,
Even if you cry;
Perhaps you'll send me some balloons
Soaring to the sky."
 
"And I will know they came from you,
And I'll be flying near.
I send you love and kisses, too.
I love you, Momma, dear."
 
Saralyn McAfee Smith
 

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Thank you, Saralyn McAfee Smith, for John's b-day gift!

Happy 23rd Birthday, John.
January 19, 2004
You are forever in my heart, everyday in my thoughts. Happy Birthday, my beloved son. I love and miss you a little more each and every day. Happy Birthday, your second one in heaven.

Remember Me

To the living, I am gone
To the sorrowful, I will never return
To the angry, I was cheated
But, to the happy, I am at peace
And to the faithful, I have never left
I can not speak, but I can listen
I can not be seen, but I can be heard
So as you stand upon the shore
Gazing at the beautiful sea, remember me
As you look in awe at a mighty forest
And its grand majesty, remember me
Remember me in your hearts,
In your thoughts, and the memories of the
Times we loved, the times we cried, the
Battle I fought and the times we laughed
For if you always think of me, I will
Have never gone.
AUTHOR UNKNOWN



I feel like there is a stone in my chest,
Where my heart used to be,
My precious son is laid to rest,
Way too soon, that precious life taken from me.
 
I must have asked WHY a thousand times or more,
but the answer still eludes,
Others say, "There is something in store",
John's death is but a preclude.
 
The love I once had for Christmas lights,
and trees and ribbons and bows,
has turned into somewhat of a blight,
The sight somewhat gross.
 
John and I shared in the delight,
of Christmas decorations galore,
We decked our halls with lights,
now his light shines no more.
 
I cannot bear to see houses shining so bright,
and decked in Christmas finery,
I once could not wait to see the lights,
that are now a knife in the heart to me.
 
People say, "It is not right, you must have a tree",
But what it is they don't understand,
Is I don't have John to share it with me,
I don't have him here to hold my hand.
 
I don't have him here this year,
to brag about my tree,
to gaze in awe and wonder here,
to share the delight with me.
 
So no tree shall grace my abode,
no lights shall trim my door,
I'll go through the season in robot mode,
Without my John to decorate for.
 
Dear John,
It is less than a week away from Christmas, and I am missing you horribly. I know that you understand that I just can't bear to decorate this year. You and I shared a love of everything Christmas, and without you to share it with me, decorating is nothing more than a reminder that you are spending the first Christmas in 21 years away from me. Maybe in time I will be able to , but not this year. The only decorations I have done this year are on your grave, the only thing I was able to do for you for Christmas, and I left another piece of my jagged heart there when I did. I love and miss you.        Mom
December 19, 2002

I Hear Each Tear Fall On Her Face

My Mom doesn't know I'm watching her
but I'm watching her just the same.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
at the very mention of my name.

She says it sounds like music to her ears
and can be heard over a crowd.
Oh, I hear each tear fall on her face
when my name is said aloud.

I watch her stumble through each day
as she wishes the day would end.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
as she talks of me to her friends.

But there are few who truly understand
Oh this I've heard her proclaim.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
Will my Mom ever be the same?

I know that her smiles light up a sky
But, I don't see that smile today.
Oh, but I hear each tear fall on her face.
Her blue skies turned to gray.

Oh, I send to her my warmest hug
with the rays of the morning sun.
Then, I won't hear a tear fall on her face
For I shall erase them one by one.

Yes, my Mom doesn't know I'm watching her.
But I'm watching her just the same.
And if I hear a tear fall on her face
I'll just softly whisper her name!

~Author Unknown~

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