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MY SON JOHN

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Poems

Tears in my Momma's Eyes   12-17-03

To him nothing ever came easy - except the love from his mother's heart
Everytime things would get a little easier - something would tear his world apart
My brother John has left me a sad only child in this life
Has left a son to grow without him - has left a strong and loving wife
Of all the things we miss about him - the cold black days that slip on by
The hardest part of losing my brother -  are the tears in my momma's eyes


My own broken heart has yet to mend - I doubt it will ever heal
Even that great pain is nothing - compared to what my mother feels
The world does go on without him - Though sometimes I wish it would stop
Whenever I hear a song we used to sing - when I feel my heart just drop
As hard as it is for me to watch the days without him come and go
The hardest part about missing John - Is seeing the pain my mom must  know

I love you Momma.

MARCH 14, 2003
I read a poem today that SO describes how I am feeling, that it seems the author was inside my head. This poem was written by another grieving mother, someone who knows my pain, and has so eloquently put those feelings into words. Karen, thank you for expressing how I/we feel, and thanks for all you do for "Grieving Parents of Angels". Your contribution to our support group, and the work you do to help us memorialize our angels are truly gifts from the heart. You are a wonderful person, giving so freely of your time. God Bless you always, and may your angels always be remembered.
Here is the poem:

Guilt

Is with me wherever I go

Whatever I think

Whatever I do

 

Longing

Is with me deep inside

Wherever I go

I cannot hide

 

Sadness

Is with me and my heart breaks in two

I just long to be

Closer to you

 

Nightmares

They haunt me of the day you went

People say that you

Were heaven sent

 

Pain

Fills my heart and being

I just cannot stop

The pain I am feeling

 

Loneliness

Surrounds me

No-one to turn to

No-one who cares

 

karen ©2003

************************************

I Hear Each Tear Fall On Her Face

My Mom doesn't know I'm watching her
but I'm watching her just the same.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
at the very mention of my name.

She says it sounds like music to her ears
and can be heard over a crowd.
Oh, I hear each tear fall on her face
when my name is said aloud.

I watch her stumble through each day
as she wishes the day would end.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
as she talks of me to her friends.

But there are few who truly understand
Oh this I've heard her proclaim.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
Will my Mom ever be the same?

I know that her smiles light up a sky
But, I don't see that smile today.
Oh, but I hear each tear fall on her face.
Her blue skies turned to gray.

Oh, I send to her my warmest hug
with the rays of the morning sun.
Then, I won't hear a tear fall on her face
For I shall erase them one by one.

Yes, my Mom doesn't know I'm watching her.
But I'm watching her just the same.
And if I hear a tear fall on her face
I'll just softly whisper her name!

~Author Unknown~

"My Baby Brother"
    
Watching cartoons, running through the woods, I had you right there with me, my bratty little brother.

As much as we fought, as much as we laughed and cried,  know that I would not trade you for another.

I sit here today and think of you, and miss you more than words can say wishing we could go back to those days.

I hear the songs, I see kids playing, I think of you a million times a day, there is so much that I want to say.

Nobody knows as much about me as you do, staying up talking about our hopes and dreams.

What we had done and what we wanted to do, Me and you John, we were quite a team.

I remember the day that I had my son , and all the talks about having a friend for  Brad Bug.

The pain I saw on your face, looked too much like mine, and all was said when you gave me that hug.

I think of my life now as living for you, I want to do all the things you wanted to do.

I know that you loved me and i really hope you knew just how much I love you too.

I miss you John, God knows I do, just do me a favor until my time is through.

Hug my baby, take care of yourself and meet me at the gates. Never  forget, I will always love you.

 

                                                                 Written by Shelly

                                                                 June 26, 2002

*****************************************************************


You cannot imagine this pain, you do not want to.

I cannot express the agonizing pain I have been through.

The range of emotions that I have felt,

The heart-rending blow that I have been dealt.

No, I am not, nor will I ever be the person I used to be,

I have had to learn to live with a whole new me.

This new me is not of my choosing,

It is who I have become as a result of losing.

Of losing my only son, only twenty one years old,

Of losing what most take for granted, no hand to hold.

Watching him die slowly, tormented soul, in so much pain,

My loss is heavens gain.

No one could know the pain my son bore each day,

Many judged him, but what can they say,

When they didnt know the pain that lay behind his blue eyes,

When they didnt take time to hear his cries.

There is but one who has the right to judge,

One who never holds a grudge.

That is God in heaven up above,

Where my son was carried on the wings of a dove.

No more pain and suffering, no more tears will he cry,

And left here on earth, it is not for me to question why.

I miss my son more than mere words can convey,

And my heart was forever broken on that fateful day.

But I do find some measure of relief,

And I stand strong in my belief,

That God reached down from heaven on that cold March day,

and took my son above with him to stay.

He saw the pain behind the blue eyes,

and lifted my son to the skies.

He took away the hurt and tears,

and forever quieted all of his fears.

It is not easy to know I will never hold my son again on earth,

but to know he is with God gives some measure of mirth.

It helps get through the long days ahead, days I cant share with him,

Knowing I cant just call him on a whim.

My arms, how they ache, my heart, how it bleeds,

His death has brought me completely to my knees.

Devastation, confusion, anger , denial, unending pain,

But also the hope, that I will see him again.

Bonnie Atkinson  March 04, 2003




"I'll lend you for a little time
A child of mine," He said,
"For you to love while he lives,
And mourn for when he is dead."

"It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or -three,
But will you, till I call him back
Take care of him for me?"

"He will bring his charms to gladden you
And should his stay be brief,
You will have his lovely memories
As solace for your grief."

"I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught, down there,
I want this child to learn."

"I have looked the wide world over
In my search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd life's lane
I have selected you."

"Now will you give him all your love
Nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call
To take him back again?"

"I fancied that I hear them say
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done
For all the joy Thy child shall bring
The risk of grief we'll run.'

'We'll shelter him with tenderness
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.'

'But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief
That comes and try to understand.'"

Edgar Guest

                                                                                              

 
"There You'll Always Be"
Faith Hill

When I think back on these times
And the dreams we left behind.
I'll be glad, 'coz I was Blessed
To get to have you in my life.
When I look back on these days,
I'll look and see your face
You Were Right There for Me.
In My Dreams I'll always see You
Soar above the sky.
In my heart there'll always be a place for you
For All My Life.
I'll keep a part of you with me
And Everywhere I am, There You'll Be.
And Everywhere I am , There You'll Be
Well you showed me how it feels
To feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember
all the Strength you gave to me.
Your Love made me make it through
Oh, I Owe so Much to You
You Were Right There for Me.
In My Dreams I'll always see you
Soar above the sky.
In my heart there'll always be a place for you
For All My Life.
I'll keep a part of you with me
And Everywhere I am, There You'll Be.
'Cos I always saw in you my light,
my strength.
And I want to thank you now
for all the ways,
You Were Right There for Me.
You Were Right There for Me.
In My Dreams I'll always see You
Soar above the sky.
In my heart there'll always be a place for you
For All My Life.
I'll keep a part of you with me
And Everywhere I am, There You'll Be

And Everywhere I am, There You'll Be

There You'll Be

 

Dedicated to John, December 30, 2002

Nine month anniversary of your death, I still ache for you, John, but 'there you'll always be.....'


THE FOLLOWING POEM, "BROKEN SOULS", SEEMS TO BE SPEAKING ABOUT THOSE THAT HAVE DIED BY SUICIDE, BUT IT ALSO SPEAKS TO ME OF THOSE THAT HAVE DIED DUE TO OVERDOSE AND DRUG ADDICTION. IT WAS SENT TO ME BY DEBBIE WHO LOST HER BROTHER JOHNNY TO DRUGS. YOU CAN VISIT HER SITE BY CLICKING ON THE LINK HERE:
http://www.dying2gethigh.com. PLEASE READ THE WORDS FROM THE AUTHOR IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING THE POEM.
 
He Gathers Broken Souls
BY CYNTHIA J. MACKENZIE

In one moment in time, when all hope seemed far away
When despair weighed so heavily there seemed nothing left to say
When anger & pain were all that he could feel
He decided to leave all the lies he thought were real.

He forgot about the rainbows that follow skies of gray
He forgot about the kindness he witnessed everyday
He forgot about the future he once dreamed could be
He lost sight of all the truth & reality.

The fact that people loved him, the knowledge that they cared
The love they had to offer him the many things he shared
The pain that he would cause just never crossed his mind
He only pictured solitude & the peace that he would find.

Sometimes a gentle spirit in a world that's gone awry
Gets lost & cannot find it's way, can't bring itself to try
When God looks down from Heaven with tender loving eyes
He can see completely every facet of our lives.

It's up to God not man to judge the things that have been done
We are His Creation, in Love He Sent His Son
To walk this earth, to die, to rise & live again
To grant us all salvation, to save our souls from sin.

Each time a sparrow falls lifeless to the ground
Our Father up in Heaven hears that tiny sound
Would He be less vigilant when our lives quickly end
Regardless of the reason, on God you can depend.

For God in all His tenderness can see inside their mind
And when He searches carefully no evil does He find
Just discontent, confusion, pain, & fear, & sorrow
With no hope for today & no vision of tomorrow.

No Malice little forethought, just decisions made in haste
God grieves up there in Heaven for this senseless needless waste
Yet even as the sheep are gathered safely to the fold
Our Lord is so magnificent He gathers broken souls.

He takes them home to be eternally with Him
To never know the torment they knew on earth again.
Peace & Hope & Happiness are instantly restored
When souls cross the threshold of Heavens golden door

All rights reserved by Cynthia J Mackenzie
If 'Broken Souls' touches you, or helps you heal in some small way, please
offer God the Thanks.  He led you here, even as He gave me the words to write.
May His Blessings be with you.

Cynthia J. Mackenzie

***********************************************************************************
 

Some Days When I'm Alone

Some days
When I'm alone
I fear !!!!
Can't hold my tears

If I go out I hear the sounds
Of families around

It makes me sad
Cause I think back
When I had you
Here in my arms

I feel the wind
Blow in my cheeks
And all I think....
My darling son
Has given me a kiss

I hold my fear
I hold my tears
And I think back..
All I could whisper
In your ears was

"Don't worry dear,
Your Mami is here
So please don't fear.
No more pain
Will come your way.
I will get old,
but you my love
Forever will be young".

~written by Ileana Villahermosa
In Memory of her son, Felipe A. Pagan
November 20, 1973 - April 13, 1999
Orlando, Florida

For you, my darling John, on the seven month anniversary of your death. I miss you terribly. I love you so much, and it hurts so bad not to have you here with me.

October 30, 2002

THE POEM BELOW WAS SENT TO ME BY SUE BRUNKHORST, IT WAS WRITTEN BY HER DAUGHTER, LINDSEY, IN MEMORY OF HER OTHER DAUGHTER, STACEY. STACEY DIED FROM AN OVERDOSE OF DRUGS ON THE SAME DAY THAT JOHN DID. I AM ALSO ADDING HER TO JOHN'S MEMORIAL WALL. MAY OUR ANGELS REST IN PEACE.
Please take a moment to visit a website in memory of Stacey.http://www21.brinkster.com/sisterseye and
  

Angel On Your Side

By Linzee Wanger

Through times of grief and anger

when those tears just won't subside,

please close your eyes and summon her...

the angel on your side.

When walking barefoot over thorns

for what seems an endless mile,

there's someone there to soothe you

with the memory of her smile.

And should the questions overflow

until a river has been cried,

indulge those tranquil waters

for the angel on your side.

When face to face with sorrow,

when hand in hand with pain,

just know she is the sunrays

poking through amidst the rain.

So you've lost a cherished treasure,

a sand castle to the tide,

but never doubt that you have gained

an angel on your side.

*****************************************************

 

JUST A WORD OR TWO TO SAY,
JOHN, I AM REALLY MISSING YOU TODAY.
IT HAS BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE YOU DIED,
AND FOR NINETY DAYS, I HAVE CRIED.
I REALIZE I WILL ALWAYS LIVE WITH THE PAIN,
THAT I WILL NEVER ON EARTH SEE YOU AGAIN.
BUT KNOW YOU DWELL WITHIN MY HEART,
AND IN THAT WAY, WE ARE NEVER APART!
I SEE YOU IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS,
AS I AIMLESSLY WANDER THROUGH THE DAYS.
I SEE YOU IN THE SKY AT NIGHT,
AND IN THE EAGLE'S WONDROUS FLIGHT.
YOUR SPIRIT SURROUNDS ME , YOU ARE EVERWHERE,
ALWAYS LETTING ME KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CARE.
 
JOHN, IT HAS BEEN THREE MONTH'S TODAY, SINCE YOU LEFT FOR YOUR NEW HOME. I HOPE YOU HAVE FOUND THE PEACE THERE THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE HERE. I LOVE AND MISS YOU TODAY, MORE THAN YESTERDAY, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I WILL TOMORROW. HUGS AND KISSES UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN! YOUR BRADLEY IS STARTING PRESCHOOL TOMORROW, JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS WANTED HIM TO. I KNOW IT WOULD MEAN ALOT TO YOU TO KNOW THAT. I LOVE YOU, JOHN.                                JUNE 30, 2002

MY MOTHER'S DAY PRESENT FROM JOHN
I want to share a very unique experience. I feel that I have a link to John, that he has given me something to comfort me. The story begins two weeks before he died. John was sitting on the couch in my living room. I was telling him about a stray cat that had shown up at my door one day. This cat was pregnant, and I was telling John that I had to find homes for the mother cat and however many kittens she would have. John laughingly said to me, "You should keep the kittens, Mom.". I said "Yeah right, just what I need. No, I am not keeping any kittens, I already have a dog, and I don't want any more animals." John replied, "I'm gonna make sure that you keep at least two kittens, Mom.". " And just how do you think you are going to accomplish that?", I asked him. He said, "You'll see."
Later on that week, John left for Mass. I continued to feed the pregnant cat, and began asking everyone I know if they wanted a kitten.
The last time I remember the cat being pregnant was March 29, the day before John died. I fed her that morning as usual. The next day is the day that John died, and I didn't see or think about the cat. The next time I saw the cat was two days after the funeral, and I could tell that she had had the kittens. So, the kittens may have even been born on the day John died.
My husband and I looked high and low for those kittens, with no luck. My husband even went under the house with a flashlight looking for them. The mother cat appeared every day to be fed, still no sign of the kittens.
On Mother's Day, I was having a really hard time. I was missing John so much, and I was really overcome with grief. I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes, and tears were falling so hard that I could barely see what I was doing. My husband came barrelling through the back door, excitedly saying that he had found the kittens. I followed him outside, and there were two of the cutest kittens I have ever seen. That was John saying Happy Mother's Day!
A few days later, three more kittens appeared, for a total of five. I cannot help but believe that only two appeared at first because it was meant for me to keep those two. John told me he was going to make sure I kept two of the kittens, and I did. These kittens are very precious to me! They bring me joy where there is none, and everytime I give in to the grief, here come the kittens, nuzzling me, reminding me that John is still with me!
*************************************************************
************************************************************

WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR

Every time I am in a group of bereaved parents, I hear people say
things like, "I wish my child hadn't died" or "I wish I had him
back." Those wishes, unfortunately, can never come true. Another wish
I hear is "I wish my friends (or church, or neighbors, or relatives)
understood what I am going through and were more supportive." This is
a wish that has some possibility of coming true if we are able to be
honest and assertive with the people around us. What do we wish
others understood about the loss of our child? Here is a partial list
of such wishes:
1. I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child's name. My child
lived and was important and I need to hear his name.

2. If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you
knew that it isn't because you have hurt me; the fact that my child
died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and thank you.
Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

3. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing from your
home his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances.

4. I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you
wouldn't think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or
that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling.

5. I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other
losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and
I wish you wouldn't compare it to your loss of a parent, a spouse, or
a pet.

6. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't
shy away from me.

7. I wish you knew all of the "crazy" grief reactions that I am
having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration,
hopelessness, and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be
expected following the death of a child.

8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The
first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with
alcoholics, I will never be "cured" or a "former bereaved parent",
but will forevermore be a "recovering bereaved parent".

9. I wish you understood the physical reactions to grief. I may gain
weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a
host of illnesses and be accident-prone, all of which may be related
to my grief.

10. Our child's birthday, the anniversary of his death, and holidays
are a terrible times for us. I wish you would tell us that you are
thinking about our child on these days, and if we get quiet and
withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about our child and don't
try to coerce us into being cheerful.

11. It is normal and good that most of us re-examine our faith,
values, and beliefs after losing a child. We will question things we
have been taught all our lives and hopefully come to some new
understanding with our God. I wish you would let me tangle with my
religion without making me feel guilty.

12. I wish you wouldn't offer me drinks or drugs. These are just
temporary crutches, and the only way I can get through this grief is
to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal.

13. I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the
same person I was before my child died and I never will be that
person again. If you keep waiting for me to "get back to my old
self", you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new
thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get
to know the new me - - maybe you'll still like me..

Instead of sitting around and waiting for our wishes to come true, we
have a obligation to teach people some of the things we have learned
about our grief. We can teach these lessons with great
kindness,believing that people have good intentions and want to do
what is right, but just don't know what to do with us , or we can sit
and wait, I believe our children would want us to help the world
understand.

Elaine Grier, TCF Atlanta, Ga

You'll get over it."

"It's the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you
love is to alter your life forever. You don't get over it
because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there
are new people, but the gap never closes. How could
it? The particulars of someone who mattered enough to
grieve over is not stopped by anyone but death. The
hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can
fit it. Why would I want them to?"


--Jeannette Winterson
 
 
Please choose your words very carefully when trying to give comfort to someone that has lost a child. Without meaning to, your words can sting rather than give comfort. It is NOT for the best that my son died, please do not tell me that my son was selfish, don't tell me that I will get over it, because I never will!  Unless you personally have lost your child, don't tell me that you know how I feel, because you don't! Don't tell me that I must get over the grief, don't tell me not to cry anymore!  I can no more control my tears and grief than you can control your breathing! Don't tell me that I am wasting my time visiting my son's grave, I know that is not where he is, but that is where I can feel close to him. It hurts me when you don't mention my son's name, it hurts me when you say he should have thought of me and stopped doing drugs. Unless you have experienced the emotions, the despair, and the torment that my son faced in life, do not judge him, you have not the right! My son loved me, loved his family, and he was not selfish with that love! I spent almost the entire twenty one years of my son's life defending him, from the time he could walk until the day he died. Please don't make it neccesary for me to defend him now that he is no longer on this earth. That is not fair to his memory or to me! I am not blind to his faults, but evidentaly, you are blind to his beautiful soul! My son was trying to escape the unbearable experiences that he had in this life, and he did. God did that for him. Please, stop judging my son, it taints his memory, which I vow to keep alive for all days. My son is so precious to me, as is his memory. If you don't know what to say, then just saying that is enough.  If you don't have anything good to say, then I will give you the same advice that my mother always gave me, "If you can't say something good about someone, don't say anything at all!"  Please remember, when you are talking to me how my son died, refrain from the jokes about drugs, it is no laughing matter. Just know that I am hurting deeply, and sometimes your words make me hurt even worse, even if that was not your intent.                                                                              
                                                                      Bonnie
                                                                      May 27, 2002
 

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"My Mom is a Survivor"

My Mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night
when all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.

But like the sands on the beach
that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others...
a smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see
tears flowing from her eyes.

My mom tries to cope with death
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
it is her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that angels
protect me forevermore.

I know that doesn't help her...
or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...
and show her that you care.

For no matter what she says...
no matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.

By Kaye Des'Ormeaux
© Copyright 2000 Kaye Des'Ormeaux - All Rights Reserved

DEAR JOHN, I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU IS WHAT I WANT TO SAY,
YOU HAVE BEEN ON MY MIND AN AWFUL LOT TODAY.
THE TEARS, THEY BURN SO HOTLY, AS THEY SLIDE DOWN MY FACE,
AND THIS LUMP THAT LIVES IN MY THROAT, I WISH I COULD ERASE.
MY BREATH BECOMES SO STIFLED, MY CHEST IS HEAVY AS LEAD,
AS EACH NEW DAY DAWNS DREARILY, WITH MY HEART SO FULL OF DREAD.
YOU ARE ALL AROUND ME, YET SO FAR FROM MY REACH,
AS THE LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED, I TRY SO HARD TO TEACH.
I DON'T WANT ANOTHER MOTHER TO FEEL THE MERCILESS PAIN,
THAT COMES FROM LOSING A CHILD, WITH NOTHING BUT SORROW TO GAIN.
EVERY STEP I TAKE, I MISS YOU, EVERY BREATH I TAKE, I KNOW,
THAT YOU ARE GONE FOREVER, AND HOW I MISS YOU SO!
I JUST WANT TO LAY DOWN AND DIE, TO JOIN YOU WHERE YOU ARE,
TO HOLD YOU AGAIN AND TELL YOU, YOU ARE MY SHINING STAR!
BUT I KNOW THAT GOD HAS PLANS FOR ME, AND THAT I MUST GO ON WITH LIFE,
EVEN THOUGH I RELIVE EACH DAY, ANOTHER DAY OF STRIFE.
I PLANTED MY FLOWERS TODAY, AND FELT YOU BY MY SIDE,
I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVED THEM, AND YOU WOULD HAVE SHARED MY PRIDE.
I MISSED YOU WORKING THERE BESIDE ME, AS EACH PLANT AND SEED WAS SOWN,
A CHORE YOU USED TO SHARE WITH ME, BEFORE YOU WERE GROWN.
I DEDICATED A GARDEN TO YOU, IT HAS IMPATIENS AND HOSTAS TO GROW,
AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THEM, IT'S YOUR LOVE I WILL KNOW.
I WANT TO WAIL AND CRY, COME BACK TO ME, MY SON,
BUT THAT WILL GET ME NOWHERE, ONCE THE DAY IS DONE.
SO I MUST GATHER UP MY COURAGE, AND TUCK YOUR MEMORIES TO MY BREAST,
CARRY YOUR SPIRIT IN MY HEART FOR ALL DAYS, AND WISH YOU ETERNAL REST.
 
                                                    MOM 
                                                   MAY 30, 2002
                                                   TWO MONTH ANNIVERSARY
                                                     

GOD SAID "NO" CLICK HERE

WORDS THAT BRING COMFORT 

"Don't Worry About Me Mom"


You don't have to worry about me anymore, All of those nights wasted pacing the floor. So afraid that the phone would ring, Terrified of the news it could bring.

I wasn't a very easy son to raise, I gave you a run for your money on most days. You tried with all you had to make me understand, That the path I was taking was to a no man's land.

No, you don't have to worry anymore, Sweet Jesus and his angels met me at the Door. They filled me with a love that set my heart ablaze, And suddenly, I could see the error of my ways.

I now realize I caused much anguish and pain, I'm so sorry for it all, I had nothing to gain. But Heaven is so beautiful, I've found peace you see, And I'll be waiting for you Mom, to celebrate Jesus with me.

Your loving son, John
Author: Rose Mary Colarusso ©2000

"What Did I Do"

 

What did I do that went so wrong
I tried to teach you to be wise and strong.
I looked forward to seeing you with family and home,
I didn't know it would be earth and stone.


I'll never see you walk down that aisle,
I'll never again see that wonderful smile.
My heart is breaking that much I can say,
I can't wait to see you on some distant day.


I am no longer afraid of dying,
Sometimes I think it's better than crying.
But most of all because I'll see you,
And that my dear son is what I long to do.

Author: Rose Mary Colarusso ©2000

"Please Take Care"


My dear Lord from up above, Please take care of the one I love. He's in your Hands and I know you care, But not having him here is so much to bear.

Give me the strength I need to go on, Give me your shoulder to lean upon. Help me to picture him happy and free, Living a life without misery.

I'm trying to take it one day at a time, Until peace with you will finally be mine.

Author: Rose Mary Colarusso ©2000

 

 

Grief is but a sadness
of loved ones gone from sight
Memories which taunt
Because they've gone to another life.

No more familiar faces
No more a fond embrace
Memories bring such yearning
To see a loved one's face.

Yet if we stop to think a little
And still our quiet despair
We'll hear the voice within us
Assuring us they're there.

At last in God's safekeeping
At last life's journey done
In keeping with God's promise
When He gave His only Son.

And though we cannot see them
Nor touch a loved one's face
They reach out in their loving
And pray for us God's grace.

And voices which we yearn for
And seek throughout the quiet
Will touch our souls in meaning
And whisper of the other life.

© Helen Catherine Cramer

JUST A LOOK ACROSS YOUR SHOULDER
 
Thank you for the memories
Of your little ways
Which I shall cherish always
Until my dying day.

You would shock me with a statement
Or make a chance remark
Then across your shoulder
You would give a little laugh.

You would leave the room in anger
Or sometimes just to tease
But always at the doorway
You turned to look at me.

Just your head turned sideways
You thought I didnt see
The glance that searched for meaning
When you looked at me.

And for just a second
Our eyes would meet and hold
No need that words be spoken
Your eyes the story told.

Id play the game you visaged
And my eyes would follow you
For I knew you would turn for meaning
On our different points of view.

And Id reach out as your mother
And our love would close the gap
So that we could be together
Despite a little lapse.

And your head turned sideways
I see now at my door
And your eyes still searching
Ill cherish forever more

But I know youve found the wisdom
That I am still to know
For God has ceased your yearning
And blessed your troubled soul

And I feel your smile upon me
With the love I felt before
And your eyes within the doorway
That are searching there no more

You look at me with wisdom
A message now to give
Of God and His promised Kingdom
Where for eternity we again shall live.


© Helen Catherine Cramer
From Book Tomorrow's Dawn

To read more of Helen Catherine Cramer's wonderful poems, please click HERE

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

 When tomorrow starts without me,
 and I'm not there to see
 If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
 all filled with tears for me
 I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
 the way you did today,
 while thinking of the many things,
 we didn't get to say
I know how much you love me,
 as much as I love you and each time that you think of me,
 I know you'll miss me too
 But when tomorrow starts without me,
 please try to understand that an
 Angel came and called my name,
 and took me by the hand
 and said my place was ready,
 in heaven far above and
  that I'd have to leave behind,
 all those I dearly love.
 But as I turned to walk away,
 a tear fell from my eye
 for all life, I'd always thought,
 I didn't want to die
 I had so much to live for,
 so much yet to do
 it seemed almost impossible,
 that I was leaving you
 I thought of all the yesterdays,
 the good ones and the bad
 I thought of all the love we shared,
 and all the fun we had
 If I could relive yesterday,
 just even for awhile
 I'd say good-bye and kiss you
 and maybe see you smile
 But then I fully realized,
 that this could never be,
 for emptiness and memories,
 would take the place of me
 And when I thought of worldly things,
 I might miss come tomorrow
 I thought of you, and when I did,
 my heart was filled with sorrow

 But when I walked through heaven's gates,
 I felt so much at home
 When God looked down and smiled at me,
 from His great golden throne
 He said, This is eternity,
 and all I've promised you
 Today for life on earth is past,
 but here it starts anew
 I promise no tomorrow,
 but today will always last
 and since each day's the same day,
 there's no longing for the past.
 But you have been so faithful,
 so trusting and so true
 Though there were times you did some things,
 you knew you shouldn't do.
 But you have been forgiven
 and now at last you're free.
 So won't you take my hand
 and share my life with me?
 So when tomorrow starts without me,
 don't think we're far apart,
 for every time you think of me,
 I'm right here, in your heart.

 David M. Romano
Author




 

LETTER FROM HEAVEN

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to
say. But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
 I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell
with God above. Here, there's no more tears of sadness; Here is just
eternal love.
 Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight. Remember that
I am with you every morning, noon and night.
 That day I had to leave you when my life on
earth was through. God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I
welcome you.
 It's good to have you back again, you were missed while your gone.
As for your dearest family, They'll be here later on.
 I need you here badly, you're part of my plan. There's so much that
we have to do, to help our mortal man."
 God gave me a list of things, that he wished
for me to do. And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
 And when you lie in bed at night the day's chores put to flight. God
and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.
 When you think of my life on earth, and all
those loving years. Because you are only human, they are bound to bring
you tears.
 But do not be afraid to cry: it does relieve the pain. Remember there
would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
 I wish that I could tell you all that God has
planned. If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
 But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er. I'm
closer to you now, than I ever was before.
 There are many rocky roads ahead of you and
many hills to climb; But together we can do it by taking one day at a
time.
 It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too; That as you
give unto the world, the world will give to you.
 If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and
pain; Then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."
 And now I am contented....that my life was worthwhile. Knowing as I
passed along the way I made somebody smile.
 So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low; Just lend a hand
to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street and
you've got me on your mind;
 I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go....from that body to be free.
Remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.

Author Unknown

_________________________________________________________________

"HE ONLY TOOK MY HAND''
 
LAST NIGHT I WAS TRYING TO SLEEP, MY SON'S VOICE I DID HEAR, I OPENED MY EYES AND LOOKED AROUND, BUT HE DID NOT APPEAR.
HE SAID, "MOM, YOU'VE GOT TO LISTEN, YOU'VE GOT TO UNDERSTAND, GOD DIDN'T TAKE ME FROM YOU, MOM, HE ONLY TOOK MY HAND.
WHEN I CALLED OUT IN PAIN THAT DAY, THE MOMENT THAT I DIED, HE REACHED DOWN AND TOOK MY HAND, AND PULLED ME TO HIS SIDE.
HE PULLED ME UP AND SAVED ME FROM THE MISERY AND PAIN. MY BODY HURT SO BADLY, I COULD NEVER BE THE SAME.
MY SEARCH IS REALLY OVER NOW, I'VE FOUND HAPPINESS WITHIN, ALL THE ANSWERS TO MY EMPTY DREAMS AND ALL THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN.
I LOVE YOU ALL AND MISS YOU SO, AND I'LL ALWAYS BE NEARBY. MY BODY'S GONE FOREVER, BUT MY SPIRIT WILL NEVER DIE.
AND SO, YOU MUST ALL GO ON NOW, AND LIVE, AND UNDERSTAND...
GOD DID NOT TAKE ME FROM YOU,
HE ONLY TOOK MY HAND."
 
AUTHOR UNKNOWN

 

~~~Tears~~~

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken
no time to say goodbye
you were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness
and secret tears still flow,
what it meant to lose you,
no one will ever know.

-Anonymous

 

Wind Beneath My Wings

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
To never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
While you were the one with all the strain.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
But I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings,
'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
So high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings 
 
JOHN, YOU ARE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS!
TOGETHER, WE WILL FLY HIGHER THAN THE EAGLE, AND HOPEFULLY REACH SOMEONE WHO NEEDS OUR HELP.   
 
 

JOHN, I DO NOT YET, AND MAY NEVER UNDERSTAND
THE REASON THAT YOU WERE TAKEN FROM ME
I KNOW THAT IT IS ALL PART OF GOD'S PLAN
AND FOR WHATEVER REASON, 'TWAS MEANT TO BE
BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY EASIER TO BEAR THE PAIN
THAT YOUR LEAVING HAS LEFT IN MY HEART
WHAT AM I TO DO WITH THESE TEARS THAT RAIN
TEARS THAT WON'T STOP NOW THAT WE ARE APART
I WAS NOT READY TO LET YOU GO, STILL ONE MORE WAY TO TRY
TO REACH OUT AND BRING YOU BACK FROM WHERE YOU ARE
WHY COULD YOU NOT LISTEN TO MY CRY
OF COMING BACK BEFORE YOU WENT TOO FAR
WAS THERE SOMETHING, ANYTHING I COULD HAVE DONE
TO CURE YOUR ADDICTION AND YOUR SUFFERING
IF YOU COULD JUST HAVE TOLD ME, SON
I WOULD GLADLY HAVE DONE THAT ONE MORE THING
I PLEADED WITH GOD EVERY SINGLE DAY
TO SAVE YOU FROM THE ENDLESSNESS OF ADDICTION
I PRAYED FOR GOD TO SHOW YOU THE WAY
BUT IN THE END, I STILL LOST YOU, SON
TO  SAY MY HEART IS BROKEN IN TWO
AND I AM CRUSHED BEYOND REPAIR
CANNOT BEGIN TO DESCRIBE THE PAIN OF LOSING YOU
CANNOT BEGIN TO SHOW HOW MUCH I DESPAIR
MAYBE GOD DID ANSWER ALL THOSE PRAYERS
AND ENDED YOUR SUFFERING AND PAIN
AND TOOK YOU TO HEAVEN, TOOK AWAY ALL YOUR CARES
WHERE ETERNALLY YOU WILL REMAIN
THAT IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN COPE
WITH LOSING YOU, MY ONLY SON
TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE UP THERE GIVES ME HOPE
THAT I WILL  SOMEDAY SEE YOU AGAIN, HON
YOU GAVE ME A GIFT, RARE INDEED
THE DAY YOU SAID GOODBYE TO ME
YOUR WORDS THAT DAY I DID NOT HEED
BUT NOW ARE MORE PRECIOUS THAN EVER TO ME
YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER SEE ME AGAIN
AS YOU LEFT FOR A NEW PLACE TO LIVE
YOU CRIED AS YOU SAID IT, IN SO MUCH PAIN
AND ASKED ME FOR ONE LAST HUG TO GIVE
I HELD YOU TIGHTLY, AND WIPED AWAY YOUR TEAR
AND TOLD YOU THAT I LOVE YOU ALWAYS
I DID NOT KNOW THAT MY VERY WORST FEAR
WAS TO HAPPEN IN A MATTER OF DAYS
BUT YOU GAVE ME A GIFT TO LAST MY LIFE THROUGH
A TREASURE FROM UP ABOVE
A CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU
TO SEND YOU AWAY WITH ALL OF MY LOVE
I WILL NEVER LET YOU BE FORGOTTEN I SAY
I PROMISE YOU, SON, YOU WILL BE IN MY HEART
AND ON MY MIND EACH AND EVERY DAY
AND IN THAT WAY WE WILL NEVER BE APART.
 
                                                  WITH ALL MY LOVE,
                                                  MOM
 
 
 
 
 
 

                                                                                 
 
GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY
TO ACCEPT THE THINGS
I CANNOT CHANGE
COURAGE
TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM 
TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
 
LIVING ONE DAY AT A TIME;
ENJOYING ONE MOMENT AT A TIME;
ACCEPTING HARDSHIP AS THE
PATHWAY TO PEACE.
 
TAKING AS HE DID, THIS
SINFUL WORLD AS IT IS,
NOT AS I WOULD HAVE IT.
 
TRUSTING THAT HE WILL MAKE
ALL THINGS RIGHT IF I
SURRENDER TO HIS WILL;
 
THAT I MAY BE REASONABLY HAPPY
IN THIS LIFE, AND SUPREMELY
HAPPY WITH HIM FOREVER IN
THE NEXT.
 
AMEN
 
BY REINHOLD NEIBUHR 

IT'S IN THE VALLEY'S I GROW
 
SOMETIMES LIFE SEEMS HARD TO BEAR,
FULL OF SORROW, TROUBLE AND WOE
IT'S THEN I HAVE TO REMEMBER
THAT IT'S IN THE VALLEYS I GROW.
 
IF I ALWAYS STAYED ON THE MOUNTAIN TOP
AND NEVER EXPERIENCED PAIN,
I WOULD NEVER APPRECIATE GOD'S LOVE
AND WOULD BE LIVING IN VAIN.
 
I HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN
AND MY GROWTH IS VERY SLOW.
SOMETIMES I NEED THE MOUNTAIN TOPS,
BUT IT'S IN THE VALLEYS I GROW.
 
I DO NOT ALWAYS UNDERSTAND
WHY THINGS HAPPEN AS THEY DO,
BUT I AM VERY SURE OF ONE THING.
MY LORD WILL SEE ME THROUGH.
 
MY LITTLE VALLEYS ARE NOTHING
WHEN I PICTURE CHRIST ON THE CROSS
HE WENT THROUGH THE VALLEY OF DEATH;
HIS VICTORY WAS SATAN'S LOSS.
 
FORGIVE ME LORD, FOR COMPLAINING
WHEN I'M FEELING SO VERY LOW.
JUST GIVE ME A GENTLE REMINDER
THAT IT'S IN THE VALLEYS I GROW.
 
CONTINUE TO STRENGTHEN ME, LORD
AND USE MY LIFE EACH DAY
TO SHARE YOUR LOVE WITH OTHERS
AND HELP THEM FIND THEIR WAY.
 
THANK YOU FOR VALLEYS, LORD
FOR THIS ONE THING I KNOW
THE MOUNTAIN TOPS ARE GLORIOUS
BUT IT'S IN THE VALLEYS I GROW!
 
JANE EGGLESTON

 

 

 


"Please God, I have my hand up.
May I be excused for awhile
from the this huge classroom where we live
and learn the lessons of life?


I am finding the lessons of this world too hard to learn.
Can I stop off for a while in a quiet place?


As you know I have lost my child
and I am very tired of this day that I'm in.
The role is too hard, the words are false.


My face is a mask and my smile is unreal.
The only truth I see is love, so please God,
may I be excused from traveling
on this road for awhile?


I've had my hand up for a long time."

~Author Unknown~

SON, I LONG TO SEE YOUR FACE,
TO HOLD YOU IN A WARM EMBRACE.
I YEARN TO SEE YOUR BEAUTIFUL SMILE,
AND SIT AND TALK TO YOU FOR A WHILE.
 
I MISS YOU MY SON, MY DEAR FRIEND,
AND AS EACH DAY DRAWS TO AN END,
I AM SADLY RESIGNED TO REALITY
THAT THIS IS THE WAY IT'S COME TO BE.
 
I DREAM ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY,
ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A WAY
TO FIND YOU, AND WHEN I DO,
YOU RUN AWAY BEFORE I CAN GET TO YOU.
 
I WALK, AND SEARCH , AND THEN I RUN,
I HAVE TO FIND YOU, MY SON.
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING AWAY FROM ME,
OR NEED I WALK FURTHER, IS THERE SOMETHNG YOU WANT ME TO SEE?
 
WHATEVER IT IS, I WILL NOT QUIT,
UNTIL ALL THE PIECES OF THE PUZZLE FIT.
I WILL WALK, I WILL RUN, EVERY DAY,
UNTIL I CATCH UP TO YOU, AND HEAR YOU SAY
 
I LOVE YOU MOM, AND I AM DOING WELL,
IT IS HERE WITH GOD THAT I DO DWELL.
I WAKE UP FEELING LIKE I RAN A MARATHON,
I SEE YOU, BUT WHY WON'T YOU STOP FOR ME JOHN?
 
I CAME REAL CLOSE THE OTHER DAY,
AND GOT CLOSE ENOUGH FOR ME TO SAY,
"DON'T YOU EVER DIE AGAIN,
CAUSE IT HAS CAUSED ME TOO MUCH PAIN"
 
YOU LOOKED OVER YOUR SHOULDER, THEN YOU LEFT,
LEAVING ME STANDING THERE, ALONE AND BEREFT.
I WOKE UP SOBBING, OVERWHELMED WITH DESPAIR,
FOR I WAS SO CLOSE, I WAS ALMOST THERE.
 
PLEASE SON, TOMORROW WHEN I SLEEP,
LET ME REACH YOU, WITH MY LOVE SO DEEP.
I PROMISE I WON'T SCOLD YOU, I JUST WANT TO TALK,
IT MATTERS NOT HOW FAR I MUST WALK.
 
CAUSE I WOULD WALK TEN THOUSAND MILES
JUST TO SEE ONE OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL SMILES.
PLEASE, MY SON, DON'T RUN AWAY,
STOP AND LISTEN, I JUST WANT TO SAY
 
I LOVE YOU, JOHN, COME BACK TO ME!
 
 
                                                       MOM
                                                       JUNE 14, 2002
 
  
 

GOD, HELP ME FORGIVE
 
DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN UP ABOVE,
I NEED YOUR HELP, I NEED YOUR LOVE.
I NEED TO BE ABLE TO FORGIVE,
I NEED TO DO THIS AS I CONTINUE TO LIVE.
 
YOU FORGAVE THOSE THAT SCORNED YOUR SON,
YOU FORGAVE ALL THAT TO JESUS WAS DONE.
I NEED TO FOLLOW IN THOSE STEPS THAT YOU TOOK,
TO HEAL, AND FORGIVE, AND OPEN A NEW CHAPTER IN MY BOOK.
 
MANY PEOPLE IN JOHN'S LIFE DID HIM SO WRONG,
AND IT MADE HIM CRUMBLE, INSTEAD OF GROW STRONG.
HE WAS JUST A LITTLE BOY, GOD, WHY DID HE ENDURE
THE THINGS DONE TO HIM, WHEN HIS LOVE WAS SO PURE?
 
HOW DO YOU FORGIVE THOSE THAT CRUCIFIED YOUR SON?
HOW DID YOU GO ON, WHEN THE DAY WAS DONE?
HOW DID YOU LIVE WITH THE PAIN YOU KNOW HE BORE?
HOW DID YOU BEAR THE LOSS OF HAVING HIM NO MORE?
 
PLEASE, GOD, TEACH ME, MAKE ME UNDERSTAND,
THAT TO FORGIVE THOSE THAT TRESPASS AGAINST
US PART OF WHAT YOU HAVE PLANNED.
HELP ME, GOD, TODAY AND EVERY DAY THAT COMES NEXT,
IS ANOTHER WRITTEN CHAPTER, IN YOUR BOOK OF TEXT.
 
TEACH ME FORGIVENESS, THAT I MAY GO ON WITH LIFE,
AND FORGIVE THOSE THAT WERE CRUEL TO JOHN IN HIS LIFE.
ALL HE WANTED WAS ACCEPTANCE, AND HE DIDN'T FIND IT HERE ON EARTH,
PLEASE SHOW IT TO HIM IN HEAVEN, LET HIM FINALLY HAVE MIRTH.
 
I TRIED SO HARD TO COMPENSATE, FOR WHAT HE WAS DENIED,
BUT ONE CANNOT MAKE UP FOR THE TEARS THAT HE AND I CRIED,
GOD, PLEASE TAKE MY SON BY THE HAND,
AS HE ENTER INTO THE PROMISED LAND.
 
KEEP HIM WITH YOU, BY YOUR SIDE,
LET HIM LOOK AT YOU WITH PRIDE.
LET HIM KNOW FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE,
THAT EVERYDAY DOESN'T COME WITH STRIFE.
 
KEEP HIM WITH YOU, AND UNTIL THE DAY,
THAT I CAN JOIN HIM, IF I MAY,
SHOW HIM THE REWARDS OF YOUR LOVE,
AND KEEP HIM SAFELY UP ABOVE.
 
PLEASE TEACH ME HOW TO FORGIVE,
I NEED TO LEARN, SO I CAN LIVE.
I NEED TO LET THE RESENTMENTS GO,
SO I HAVE ROOM FOR YOUR LOVE TO GROW.
 
MY FATHER, YOU HAVE WALKED THIS ROAD BEFORE ME,
LET ME LEARN WHAT LESSONS I MUST, SO THAT ONE DAY I WILL SEE,
THE BEAUTY OF YOUR PROMISED LAND,
THAT I MAY ONCE AGAIN, HOLD MY SON'S HAND.
                                                      BONNIE
                                                      AUGUST O4, 2002
 

I recieved an email from a friend today. I feel so compelled to add it here. It is a story that spoke volumes to me, and I felt like it was written especially for me. If you have read the poem above, that I wrote almost exactly one year ago, I think you will understand why this story means so much to me. Thanks, BettyBoop, for thinking of me always.
July 31, 2003
 
HOW TO FORGIVE
One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in
the
woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not
right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a
job.
His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him.
He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he
had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger,
resentment
and frustration.
Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find,
knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree
to
seek the one he knew would always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he
prayed:

"Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told
me
to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have told me
to
forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is not
fair
Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I
shouldn't have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing
I
cannot do, for I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I
fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing
I cannot do - Teach me To Forgive."
As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt
something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of
one eye, he saw something red on his shirt.
He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been
was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw
two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them.
He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus
hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a
torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw the
suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's
tears
turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.
"Have you ever told a lie?" He asked? The man answered - "yes, Lord."
"Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?" The man answered -
" yes. Lord." And the man sobbed more and more.
"Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours?" Jesus
asked? And the man answered - "yes, Lord."

"Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain? " The man, crying
now, answered - "yes, Lord."
As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever"? The man's crying became
uncontrollable, for he could only answer - "yes, Lord."

Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt
something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the
blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and
there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.
Jesus said, "I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you."

It may be hard to see how you're going to get through something, but
when you look back in life, you realize how true this statement is. Read
the following first line slowly and let it sink in.

If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it. Lord I love You
and
I need You, come into my heart, today. For without You I can do nothing .

**************************************************************
JOHN, THINKING OF YOU TODAY,
IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS SINCE YOU WENT AWAY.
I RECITE YOUR FAVORITE POEM EACH DAY,
AND IT IS HELPING ME ON MY WAY.
 
"GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."
 
JOHN, THESE WORDS WERE DEAR TO YOUR HEART,
AND ARE NOW DEAR TO MINE, WHILE WE ARE APART.
I CANNOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT HERE,
BUT I CAN KEEP YOUR MEMORY ALIVE AND DEAR.
 
I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT YOU HAVE DIED,
AND WON'T BE BACK REGARDLESS OF THE TEARS I'VE CRIED,
SO I MUST GO ON, I HAVE A PLAN,
TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN.
 
IN YOUR NAME , MY BELOVED SON,
NOW THAT YOUR DAY ON EARTH IS DONE,
I MUST SPREAD THE WORD NEAR AND FAR,
SO OTHERS DON'T END UP WHERE YOU ARE.
 
GIVE ME STRENGTH, OH LORD, I PRAY,
HELP ME THROUGH YET ANOTHER DAY.
LET THE MEMORY OF MY PRECIOUS SON,
SAVE ANOTHER LIFE BEFORE IT IS DONE!
 
HELP ME SPREAD AWARENESS OF HIS TRAGEDY,
HELP OTHERS WITH ADDICTIONS TO SEE,
THAT ONLY YOU, AND YOU ALONE,
CAN HELP THEM CARRY THAT HEAVY STONE.
 
LET THEM COME UNTO YOU, THIS DAY,
AND END THEIR ADDICTIONS, THAT THEY MAY,
HAVE A LIFE FULL OF YOUR LOVE,
IT'S NOT THEIR TIME TO ENTER ABOVE.
 
IT'S TOO LATE FOR MY JOHN, HIS TIME IS DONE,
BUT TIME FOR AWARENESS HAS JUST BEGUN.
LET ME PRAY EACH DAY OF MY LIFE,
TO END THE ADDICTIONS, TO END THE STRIFE.
 
IF I CAN REACH JUST ONE PERSON IN NEED,
IF MY WORDS AN ADDICT CAN HEED,
IF I CAN MAKE SOMEONE AWARE OF THE DANGER THEY FACE,
THEY MAY END THEIR ADDICTION, WITH YOUR LOVE IN IT'S PLACE.
 
DEAR GOD, IN YOUR NAME, I PRAY,
GIVE ME THE STRENGTH THAT I MAY,
CONTINUE ON THIS PATH I HAVE BEEN PLACED ON,
THAT WITH JOHN'S MEMORY AND YOUR LOVE I MAY CARRY ON.
 
AUGUST 30, 2002
FIVE MONTH ANNIVERSARY

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~                                                                                               A TALL YOUNG MAN STOOD ON A HILL,

AND BECKONED ME TO COME....

I FELT THE NEED TO JOIN HIM THERE,

AND FOUND THE MAN.....MY SON

HE TOOK MY HAND WITHIN HIS OWN,

A SMILE ACROSS HIS FACE.

HE SAID IM GLAD YOU MADE THE CLIMB

TO JOIN ME IN THIS PLACE.

NOW LOOK WITH ME ACROSS THE SKY

AND TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE.

AND THEN YOULL KNOW THE REASON WHY

I CALLED YOU HERE WITH ME.

I TURNED TO FIND AN AWESOME SIGHT

ID NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

THE SKY WAS FULL OF PRETTY KITES,

A MILLION, MAYBE MORE.

THEY FLOATED GENTLY ON THE WIND

WITHOUT A CARE OR WOE.

TOO BUSY PLAYING IN THE BREEZE

TO KNOW WHAT LIE BELOW.

THE STRING ON MINE WAS SHORT. HE SAID.

BUT LONGER STILL THAN SOME.

IT MATTERS NOT HOW LONG THE STRING

THAT TELLS WHAT WE BECOME.

THOSE KITES ARE SYMBOLS OF THE TIME

THAT EACH MAN GETS ON EARTH.

THE COLORS, BEAUTY AND DESIGN,

ARE ALL TO SHOW HIS WORTH.

SOME OF THE KITES WERE DULL AND GREY

WHILE OTHERS SEEMED TO SHINE.

I HEARD MY SON SAY LOOK WITH ME,

THAT ONE RIGHT THERE IS MINE.

AND AS I TURNED TO CATCH A GLIMPSE,

I FOUND A LOVELY VIEW.

ITS TAIL WAS LONG AND COPPER BRIGHT,

ITS CLOTH A BRILLIANT BLUE.

IT SAILED THE SKY WITH STYLE AND EASE.

WITH NO DESIRE TO FALL.

I LOOKED AROUND AND FELT IT WAS

THE BRIGHTEST OF THEM ALL.

HE GENTLY KISSED ME ON THE HAND,

AND TOLD ME I MUST GO.

BUT PLEASE REMEMBER WHAT YOUVE SEEN

WHEN YOU ARE SAFE BELOW.

YOU HAVE TO STAND UPON THE HILL,

TO SEE WHAT DEATH CAN BRING.

FROM WHERE YOU STAND UPON THE EARTH,

YOU ONLY SEE THE STRING......

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

January 28, 2002

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I bought a tree today,
to place upon your grave.
I shopped for decorations,
determined to be brave.
 
But on the intercom,
Silent Night did play,
and the meloncholy melody
brought me much dismay.
 
I looked down in my basket,
at decorations galore,
and once again it hit me,
that you are here no more.
 
God, you must forgive me,
for I am mad at you,
my little boy is gone,
and I am forever blue.
 
November 27, 2004
Bonnie

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FALLEN HEROS